my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
