Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
