The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
