No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
