Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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