He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
