I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize