That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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