i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
This is my gift to your gina
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
