Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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