Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
