youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
