What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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