Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
