I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
