Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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