I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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