Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
