honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
