uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
