I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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