Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
