I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize