Need sex. Gaining weight.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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