What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
