If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
