We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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