JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
