The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We're too hungover to prance.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize