rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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