Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
