THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
