You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
