Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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