Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
