Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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