1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
