Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
