He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
