she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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