The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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