so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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