you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
