Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
