You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i love accidental penises.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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