dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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