Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
