It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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