Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
