Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
