I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
