I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
