All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
