mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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