xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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