I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
