Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
