I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
