Just fell off a train. Bad.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
