we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
