So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Randomize
