We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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