plz talk dirty to me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
