Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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