yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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