i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
