:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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