I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
