So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
