I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
