Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
