I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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