16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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