Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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