im drinking this country out of the recession.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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