I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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