so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
barbara walters just said penis...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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