fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
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I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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